


three things (i do with you)

by PwarkLife (guanlinear)



Series: whipped. [9]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Denial of Feelings, Lists, Love Confessions, M/M, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-03
Updated: 2018-10-03
Packaged: 2019-07-18 19:14:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16124951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guanlinear/pseuds/PwarkLife
Summary: I know he's just as confused as I am. I can tell by the way that he blushes when our eyes meet across the room, or by his awkward smile whenever anyone comments on how we look together.orA list of three things that Jaemin and his very own Jisung do together, and maybe a realization.





	three things (i do with you)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [plumsy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/plumsy/gifts).



> it's been a while since i've written jaesung but i love them so much that i just needed something!  
> i'm going to write another one soon with jisung being clingy, which was an idea given to me by plumsy.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> this is really rushed!

I think I've found the person that I want to stay with for the rest of my life. It's not like I'm realizing this just now, because I've known for as long as I can think of, and I realize it every time I look at him. I know he's just as confused as I am. I can tell by the way that he blushes when our eyes meet across the room, or by his awkward smile whenever anyone comments on how we look together. It's hard to put our relationship into words, it really is. But here's three things we do together, just the two of us, that may help explain it.

 

 

1\. I guess there's not really an appropriate place to start on a list such as this, but the first thing that came to mind when I sat down to write was, frankly, our hand holding.

Hand holding is the most public display of affection we really do. We will often hold hands in front of our friends, especially Renjun and Donghyuck. This isn't for any reason besides the fact that they're dating each other, and are more comfortable and understanding. They get that we're working things out, as they took a whole year to put a name to what they were themselves.

They decided that they were in love. I don't know if Jisung and I can decide anything just yet.

Jisung always looks away when I hold his hand, and I can tell that he's embarrassed by the flush crawling up his neck. On the rare occasions that he initiates, it's always with a cute stutter that he tries to make an excuse for, that same blush, and it's always in private.

I think it's sweet, how it takes him a full minute of hyping himself up before he can even reach towards my hand. I think it's adorable that he thinks I don't notice.

I think it's fascinating.

I think he's fascinating.

When we hold hands outside, it gives me such a sense of security that I would feel safe walking through a fire. Just knowing that he's there and that he won't get lost, that he won't stray, is enough to calm me down. But there's other reasons I do it, too. Hold his hand, I mean. Like the times when we're across from each other at a table. It just makes me feel like he's so much closer than he really is, and if the way he smiles is anything to go by, I think we both enjoy the warmth that it creates.

At that point, it's us against the world, and nobody can judge us.

When we hold hands in the seclusion of our apartment, it's a lot more intimate.

During a movie, it'll just naturally come to me, and I'll move my arm so that it's around his middle and both of our left hands are interlocked. Or sometimes, he'll be in my lap and I'll just grab his hand because it feels right.

When either of us are cooking, we'll often hold hands, over our shoulders or between us. We don't care about the risk that comes with it, like cutting something wrong or burning ourselves. It just feels right.

Is that a crime? To do what feels right?

But the best hand holding happens when we're lying in bed. Whether it be across the mattress, over his middle, or elsewhere, it's just so him and so me, so  _us_... it never fails to make my heart flutter.

I don't know what that means to Jisung, but to me...? A lot.

It makes me cry, and it makes me smile. I don't know how it manages to pull that out of me, but it does.

And those moments when neither of us let go even though there's sweat forming between our hands are my favorite.

It really shows how scared we are to let go of the other, to make the other think we don't want them. It shows our awkwardness. It shows our feelings.

What feelings those are specifically, I'm not sure. All I know is that there's something there, there really is.

I'm not sure if it's a crush, or just admiration.

I'm not sure if I... like him? Maybe even... something more than that?

Does it say anything that I love how soft his hands are? Does it mean anything if I could just hold his hands in mine for eternity and never get bored? Does it define us at all if I can't bear to see anyone else touching him like I do?

Holding hands. How can it mean that much?

But it... does.

 

 

 

2\. Another thing... terribly... domestic?

Often times, Jisung and I will wear each other's things. More often than not, I'll wear his earrings. This may be because I only have a few pairs myself, or maybe it just makes me feel like I'm carrying him around with me, in a way. Like I have a small part of him with me at all times.

My favorite ones to wear are these simple star-shaped studs. They shine in the light and are so simple yet perfect.

Every time I wear them, I just think of Jisung. My little star.

I know that he's noticed, but he hasn't really expressed anything towards it, besides perhaps a smile here and there. I understand. What is he going to say?

Besides, he couldn't possibly get mad at me without being hypocritical. Considering the fact that when I wake up each morning, there's a 50% chance that yet another piece of clothing has disappeared from my drawers or closet. It's almost like a guessing game.

Jisung is most fond of my hoodies, my white one in particular. I don't know why this is, but I like to think that it's because they're slightly bigger on him and make him feel small and safe. I also like to think that it's because they smell like me.

I pretend not to notice when Jisung is hugging me and takes a deep inhale of my scent.

I think it's cute, how he acts like I don't know, and will just cuddle up to me like nothing's going on.

It might be that he knows I've noticed, that he's scared, or just because he doesn't think there's anything to talk about. In which, I agree. It is what it is.

It's us.

I sometimes sleep in the white hoodie, and anything I sleep in I usually lay out on the bed in the morning after getting changed out of it. By noon, it's no longer there, and even if Jisung has been busy all day, I know that he's the one who took it.

He'll pop in anytime he can to retrieve something like that. I know because I've caught him.

I love knowing that he's wearing my clothes, though.

Sometimes our friends will notice, and that's when I feel most proud of it. Most protective of him.

That's when I get possessive.

So if Jisung is flaunting a hickey out in the open on a movie night? Well, let's just say that Chenle stared for too long at my baby's perfect neck.

The very same that I press my lips against, and the very same that I consider mine.

So take that.

 

 

 

3\. I've saved the best for last, really... and that's our kisses. To be more specific, the very first time.

Jisung knows that he wasn't my first kiss. Actually, my first kiss was this girl named Emily, who I met on a trip to America.

And Jisung wasn't my second kiss. My second kiss was this girl named Jinhae, that I met in school.

Jisung, in fact, was my third kiss.

I still consider Jisung my first kiss, though, because the other two were only empty pecks, and both were initiated by the other person.

Meanwhile.

I kissed Jisung first.

Without permission.

It bothers me, sometimes, how I didn't ask before doing it. But Jisung says that he's glad I didn't ask because he would've freaked out and ran away.

It was slow, and lasted for more than a second, and was followed up by another, and another, and saliva connecting our lips because Jisung was adorably flustered and messy.

It happened with my hands against the wall, caging him in while he stared at me, looking so lost as I smirked.

I remember leaning in, him tensing up. I remember touching foreheads first, before I pressed our lips together, and he let out a muffled gasp and quickly gripped my shoulder and bicep.

I remember the sparks. I remember the moment of silence and awkward shifting afterward. I remember him closing his eyes and sliding down the wall, til he was a pile of blushing teenage boy on the floor. I remember leaning down and kissing him again, on his cheek, on his forehead, on his chin.

I remember being his first.

I also remember making out.

I realise that this went from innocent to a bit less innocent really fast, but I really want to talk about how this came about.

When it first happened, we were actually in bed, about to go to sleep.

I don't know what got into Jisung that day, but he'd thrown the covers to the bottom of the bed, and swung a leg over my hip until he was seated in my lap, staring straight at my lips.

He said he wanted to try something, and had promptly started to blush, letting out a breath before leaning in and slotting our lips together.

I'd slid my hands to the small of his back, while he'd clasped his around the back of my neck.

I forcefully pushed past his lips with my tongue and... started to explore.

It felt really good, and Jisung let out the prettiest, most broken moan when I curled our tongues together.

Since then, he's never initiated another session like that. But it's okay, because all I have to do to encourage him is to pull him into my lap. From then on, it's us against the world.

When we pull away to breathe, Jisung's lips are rosy and swollen from all the biting and friction, and I can't help but want to kiss him again.

Isn't this what boyfriends do?

Is that what we are?

I don't know what we are, but I do know that we're something. We're us. We're special.

And if I can't imagine kissing anyone but him, I guess that supports it.

I love everything we do.

I remember everything that has happened to us.

I know that it means something.

I do.

 

 

 

 

And Jisung, if you happened to have read this... I just want to be the first one to say that _this_ is us.

 

> And I want to be the first to admit...
> 
> that I love you. With all of my heart.

**Author's Note:**

> eek. ♥♥♥
> 
> super rushed. i warned you.


End file.
